I’ve been shocked at how different this pregnancy has been than my first. Everything is different. The first trimester was better in some ways and worse in others. I had less frequent nausea, but more severe aversions to pretty much all food; I was less tired, but given that I already have one child, the demands on my energy were much more cumbersome than during round one. I also gained a ton of weight right away due to the fact that the only foods that made me feel somewhat normal were candy, ice cream, chocolate, donuts, etc. I really couldn’t eat anything other than sugar, so in addition to gaining the early pregnancy weight, I packed on some extra fat. Before my first trimester had even passed, I had gained almost 20 pounds.
I was looking forward to the second stage of pregnancy thinking that just like the last time, I would feel like Superwoman and overnight the tiredness, crankiness and food/stomach issues would disappear. It was a bit of a shock and big disappointment when 13, then 14, then 15 and so on weeks passed without significant improvement in how I was feeling. Everything got a little better, but even now at 19 weeks, I’m still having very bad days when I feel like I can’t get out of bed, and I don’t want to eat ANYTHING but I’m starving. I don’t know what all this means about the baby, but it is so drastically different than what I expected, it’s a little hard to accept.
Thankfully, the weight gain has evened out. I’ve lost some of the sugar fat I had gained and feel pretty normal for where I should be at this stage in terms of size. I actually really enjoy having a pregnant belly, so the fact that I’m fully showing at this point makes me really excited. There is something so fundamentally feminine about being pregnant and having the extra curve in the front. I’m proud of my bump; and though I may at times feel self conscious about the size of my butt, thighs and cleavage, I love the belly. I love knowing its’ going to get bigger and that everyone who looks at me will know I’m traveling for two. It is one of the few things I fully enjoy and embrace about pregnancy (it’s no secret that the entire process of pregnancy is not one that I love).
The biggest challenge thus far with this baby has been my moodiness. I’ve been very cranky and grumpy and all around irritable. My fuse is short and my ability to move on from a sticky situation is minimal. I’m trying so hard for the sake of everyone around me to just keep the chip off my shoulder and stay positive even when I feel like strangling everyone around me. I’m aware of the mood swings and I want to control them the best that I can. It’s tough though this time. My midwife says some of it is due to low iron, so I should be on an upswing soon as my supplements build my iron back up to a healthier level.
Griffin has been absolutely adorable throughout this process so far. We talk about the ‘little baby’ daily and he loves to look at, stroke and kiss my belly. Whenever he forgets his manners and kicks or jumps on me, he quickly says ‘I got to be nice to the little baby because it is going to grow up and come see you.’ My heart melts every time he says it, just knowing that he is thinking about the baby and the fact that he will get to meet his sibling someday. The reality is that he probably doesn’t know what’s REALLY going to happen when the baby comes, but we’re trying very hard to help prepare him. I want him to feel love and excitement for the baby, and also a strong sense of security that daddy and mommy love him so much that the little baby is going to only bring more love into his life, not take it away.
The initial shock I felt at the positive pregnancy test this time has completely disappeared, and has been replaced only by increasing love and anticipation. I know in my heart that growing our family at this very moment in time is exactly what God has planned for us and that even if we run into some obstacles along the way, it is all going to work out. I feel my bond to this baby growing every day and am making sure I take time every day to focus just on the baby and make sure he or she knows that this family is so excited to add one more person into the chaos.
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