I’m now into the second trimester with our second baby. This fact is a source of much excitement, joy, thankfulness and anxiety in my heart and mind. I have always wanted a big family, and have spent countless hours trying to convince Greg of why three is the perfect number of children. However, now that my dream of multiple children is becoming a reality, I find myself worrying almost constantly about the unknowns of doing double duty.
Most people that I know experience this type of anxiety around their first child, wondering how the hell to take care of a newborn and keep a child safe, etc., etc. It’s all new. For me, this time around is much more intimidating. Sure, I know how to breastfeed, make baby food, swaddle, diaper, soothe and get through many sleepless nights. I’ve educated myself on every aspect of caring for a baby, know infant CPR and honestly could teach a college level course on first-year parenthood. But what the hell do I know about how to attend to a demanding toddler’s every need WHILE breastfeeding; or how to navigate a temper tantrum WHILE swaddling and soothing a newborn; or how to give my older child the necessary amount of one-on-one WHILE changing 20 diapers a day? Someone tell me, how do you DO it?!
I think I have mastered enough patience to handle two crying children at the same time, and be a good mom on minimal sleep. I think I can get through that much. My biggest fears are 1) keeping a semblance of a normal schedule and sleep routine for Griffin when the baby is on a fly-by-the-seat-of-your-diaper-anything-can-happen-at-any-time clock; and 2) making time for one-on-one affection and play with Griffin every day, amidst the needs of a brand new baby.
Even Greg isn’t shy about admitting how hard it is going to be…for ME. He says all the time: ‘don’t worry so much, people have been having multiple children forever, we’ll figure it out…’ followed by ‘well, it sure is going to change YOUR life a lot more than it is going to change MINE. Aren’t you going to go crazy taking care of two kids all day every day?’ Well that’s just great. Because I’m the one that will be primarily in charge of caring for the two, I’m the one who must figure out just how on Earth it’s done. I’m not trying to make Greg out to be an ass – he is an awesome husband and dad, and just likes to stick his head in the sand when it comes to future obstacles he knows he’ll have to face. Because I know that it is going to change his life just as much as it is going to change mine. Of course there is the ‘escape’ and break that you get from going to work and getting away from the chaos of children. But, you have to come home sometime (I’m talking to you Greg), and when you do, even if your children are asleep (which is rarely the case), you have a frazzled and exhausted wife to face who needs a little bit of adult dialogue and a lot of personal space (read: not a lot of sex).
So I don’t really have anything smart to say to wrap this up. Basically I’m really really really scared about doing double duty (but I promise you, I am even more excited and happy), and I can only hope that I’ll come out on the other side of this child’s first birthday as a better and stronger mommy, with some semblance of Ashley still intact.
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